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..but......why the hell are they moving? My fucking Lord, why are these fat branches moving?! Annnnddd....they're coming closer, aren't they?Yes, they-*BAMM*Like thunderous applause meeting the sound of a shot-out cannonball is the noise your body makes when one of the arms of this monstrous plant pushes and shoves, rather crushes, you, right in the stomach. You don't get much time to respirate. The second this thing throws you in the air (where there is actually plenty to breathe, paradoxically), another one of them catches and grabs your meat costume by your left leg. Upside down, and you still try to realize what food you ordered that makes happen this fucked-up nightmare. A few seconds pass, the tree waits until your head becomes red. Now it shakes you. It shakes you like that one bratty, braced kid shook the water sack with Nemo in it. Why can't you just die already? Naturally, the fact of your blatant fear of altitude doesn't put a smile on your tomatoed face.After what feels. Nothing but your skin is waterproof.I dragged a double-handful of coals forward and stoked the fire. I kept a legless gridiron with me in a canvas sack as there was no way to keep the thing from getting filthy. I laid it across the stones to heat then fished my dinner and eating tools out of the food bag. I had two halves of a tri-tip steak reserved for my evening meals, stored in a plastic freezer bag. I decorated one with plenty of garlic mixed with celery salt and laid it across the grill where it hissed and browned. I sealed up the bag with the other half inside and buried it a few feet behind the fire reflector to keep it cool. Then I dusted the ground with cayenne pepper as a critter repellent.When the meat began to smell good I carefully turned it. I knew that I’d stashed a couple paper plates in the pack somewhere. I fished out one plate, then cut two foot long sections of log about two inches thick to make a tripod. I thoroughly lashed them together at the middle and spread.
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